What's the point anymore?

Does the title of this post sound familiar to any of you out there in digital land? I've been second guessing myself so much my entire life that I get sick of hearing the sound of my own voice in my head. Let's face it...every time you plan for things to go a certain way, they move in the opposite direction. Every precaution that you take into account for every possible reaction ends in a flaming wreck. You can never get it to happen the way you want.

I make sure I'm ready to field questions about what is critical thought and nobody says a damn word the entire class. I try the old "sit in silence and wait out a response" tactic and we sit in silence for what feels like hours. Nobody says a damn word.

I say to myself, "You must not let them defeat you. This is a war and you will not lose. Stay silent. Stay silent."

The minutes pile on top of each other and the feeling of awkwardness replaces the silence in the room like a gas leak turning an empty space into a bomb.

"This is what they want. They are counting on you to give in. Really, they had this planned before class. You were walking through the hallways and down the stairs while they were conspiring in the classroom to for this very moment of defiance....Talk, damn you. Talk!"

Someone shuffles their backpack in the corner of the room. The dude in the Cardinals hat from the front row slides back into his desk. You mirror his movement.

"Might as well get comfortable for this standoff," you rationalize.

Someone clears their throat. A cough. You scan the room trying to stare someone into feeling guilty enough to talk. Every set of eyes that you look into breaks away as if making eye contact would ensnare a response. Nobody is looking at you. Nobody.

"That's right! Tremble in fear you freshmen! Don't look me in the eye. Cowards!"

You begin to make a grocery list in your head. Your mind then wanders and you find yourself singing a song in your head: Johnny's in the basement mixing up the medicine. I'm in the basement thinkin' 'bout the government. You see a girl with red leather handbag sit up in her seat. She looks at you and seems to be unsure about something. Slowly, she begins to raise her hand and you think, "Thank God. It's about @#$% time! I thought we'd sit here without saying a word, my hair would turn gray and my skin would wrinkle."

Seriously, you really just envisioned yourself growing old in this room, never having said a single word. You point in her direction and say, "Yes, you have something to add."

"Yeah," she replies. "What was the question, again?"

@#$% it. Class dismissed.